A letter to my 13-year-old self…

Hello Blog World! It’s so lovely to be home on my blog. I have been craving to write a blog post for the past few days and just thought, “Hey, I have time now!” and “Yay, I can write a blog entry now.”  How are all of you? I have been busy amidst everything. I haven’t been able to work on manuscript this week at all, which is really disappointing, but I have gotten other things done. A few of the things: finished freelance writing/designing a brochure for a company, finished my first round of editing my writing website, I can’t wait to introduce you all to it! Then on top of that, I have been finding some writing contests to enter. :)

I just thought that maybe I would reminisce on my life and show you all a letter to my 13 year old self. I decided to do this when I saw a writer had posted hers and I remember having written a few through out my college years, but since I am now 24 I think I will write one now. My 7th-grade-year of High School was a tough one for me. I’ve always been a creative person, so I would walk to the beat of my own drum and I really didn’t care what people thought of me. I didn’t want to be like the popular girls and I didn’t want to do stuff like everyone else. So, because of that difference I was targeted for bullying and other things.

Dear 13-year-old Devin,

I sit in another country writing this note. You are only 13. A new teenager. This is going to be a big year for you and also your country. I can only tell you so much right now, but I know you have recently started to go to school at the High School, because the middle school is combined with the High School. You have found this note in your locker when you realized that your best friend throughout 5th and 6th grade has moved away and hadn’t told you that she wouldn’t be coming back. I know you are feeling alone. I know it’s hard to believe that she didn’t tell you. But, I promise that life gets better. You wont always have to be the lone wolf walking down the halls alone. Instead of looking at the ground and shying away from they other kids stares – work your confidence and trust that they aren’t all staring at you and talking about you behind your back. Challenge the kids who make you feel insecure. Stand up tall and smile. Ignore their attempts at making you hurt or cry. Continue to draw and write. There will be a girl you must keep your eyes open for, her name is Silvia Atanassova and she is going to be someone who blesses your life more than you know it. She is going to be an exchange student from Bulgaria. She will inspire you to stretch your limits farther than you thought possible. She will inspire you to travel across the ocean. It may all seem a little scary at this point, because I know you probably feel content at home with Tony, Cassidy and Mom and Dad! Which is fine, and good. You will meet Silvia in the library, make sure you meet her and talk to her when you see her typing in a different language. Befriend her and you will never regret it.
One early morning in September, you will be sitting in your science classroom, when your teacher makes his way to turn on the tv. Within the click of the power button, you are shocked by what you see. An airplane makes it’s way through the first tower of the World Trade Center building in New York. It will be hard to believe. And no, it wasn’t a joke. It was an act of war. I would like to say that your Country has fully healed from that shady attack that happened  11 years ago, but it hasn’t completely yet. I am hoping great things for the future of America and I know that God has a plan. So keep following him. He has something big planned for you in the future. I am still unaware of everything at 24.

Here Silvia, Cassidy (my sister) and I pose in a little row boat thing, I think this picture was taken at a zoo.

Here Silvia, Cassidy and I sit on a couch at my Grandma Doris’ apartment. The little boy is my little cousin Adam. (Isn’t it crazy how you can long for people when you see their pictures and miss them even if they are no longer alive?)

In the pool swimming with Cassidy and Silvia

Here we are standing at the entrance to the Minot Stave Norwegian Church. Isn’t it beautiful?

And to show the other side of my heritage – We are standing under the Swedish Horse.

When Silvia looks for a college to attend in the States, you are going to be really excited, but when she isn’t able to. Stand strong. It’s hard when friends can’t stay.

Here we are with Lief Erickson, the viking.

This is us standing with Silvia and some other friends at the time. (the boy in the green is my brother, Tony) and you recognize Cassidy, Silvia and I. This was the day that Silvia was leaving. We ate out before she left.

You and Silvia both will make a pact to be in each other’s wedding one day. So, you will be so excited to do that. It is one of the hardest days to say good-bye to her,  but you will be set on seeing her again. The day that Silvia got back to Bulgaria she will phone you. The concept of talking to someone so far away on the phone will be unbelievable to you.  Keep in touch with her.

Your Mom will start homeschooling you and your sister and brother. It will give you a huge chance to see more, do more, and reach your dreams. Have faith, because everything will turn out, even when it seems like it wont. Because of the chance to be homeschooled you will get a chance to see the world, learn from history first on and outside of the textbooks. You will meet people and go places that you never thought you would see.

So, I leave you with this final thought. Devin, you are beautiful. Don’t have low self esteem. Let everything vanish. All that pain and hurt from the years of being bullied. You are blessed and beautiful and there is an amazing life out there waiting for you. Love you.

Devin (your 24-year-old self)

Note to readers: When I sat down to write this note, I was totally sent back to that time in my mind. I am so grateful that Silvia came to Minnesota. Yesterday was her birthday – June 8th. She added a light into my life. It was really nice to have a legit friend who loved me. I just thought I would share this with all of you though, In 2010 when I was studying abroad in Australia. I was checking my email and found a letter addressed from Silvia. I was so excited and opened it to find a note from someone else saying that he was Silvia’s English Teacher from High School. He said that Silvia’s Mom wanted him to respond to me. At that moment, I knew it couldn’t be good. Yes, you all have guessed correctly. My best friend from 7th grade had passed away. I broke out into huge tears. It was so hard to hear. She had inspired me and I really was still set on going to Bulgaria to visit her when she got married. But, now that will never happen. I will keep my promise to her though – I will go visit her in Bulgaria and will see her home. It’s always tough when things like this happen. I was so happy that my boyfriend was there to hold me. It was so hard. 

3 thoughts on “A letter to my 13-year-old self…

  1. Oh Sylvia! She was an amazing girl! I would of adopted her in a second, we were so Blessed to get to know her. I am positive that God sent her to us, I feel sorry for the people who didn’t get to know her.
    Love you! You are shining!

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