Updated Pitch – Critique

Beautiful area of England called theLake District!My pitch has transformed every time I have posted it up. I am really thankful for all of you for looking over it and everything. I am posting it up one last time, below. Please take a look at it and let me know what you think? Is it clear? Does it make sense? Would you want to read it? Hope you enjoy it! 

A maleficent witch kills many of the Preventer warriors, beginning a rovolt. Dustin, one of the last Preventers starts training when the King calls upon him to protect his daughter and unborn grand children. The witch adds hearts to her collection in her necklace and uses the gifts and talents of those the hearts belonged to– her necklace The Mason of Hearts, when filled with the most powerful and innocent of hearts would give her unlimited power to manipulate the world.Dustin is captured by a stranger with a dark secret – an affectionate bond forms between the two, and they must enter the witch’s game of hide-n-seek with life and death to protect the king’s grandchildren and to refresh the people’s lives or many will die, including them.

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